:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
