Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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