dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
