I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
