Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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