Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
