My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
