Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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