sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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