I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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