She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
