Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
