She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
