Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
