if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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