Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
