a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
