Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
