Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
