you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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