spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
