you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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