Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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