Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
