Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
