As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
