butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
