forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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