im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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