You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
