we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
