Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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