some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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