in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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