A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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