i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
