Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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