It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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