why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
