I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
