ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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