how can u be prego again
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
