Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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