Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
