so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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