She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
