And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
