She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just cropdusted the office
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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