You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
