You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
