Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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