im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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