Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
