Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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