you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
