I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
