I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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