So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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