I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
