Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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