yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
