Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
