I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
