nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
