i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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