he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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