every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My life is pants optional.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
