I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
