Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The feeling are messing with the penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
where are my eyebrows?
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