Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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