It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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