I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
