: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The Olympian is in my bed
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