I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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