His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize