is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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