As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
