I'm really into asian looking animals
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk is not a location!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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