Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
