i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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