tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
