Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
