quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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