Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to calm my uterus...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
