sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
