Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
