I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
