Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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