I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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