he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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