she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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