she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
