She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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