I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
