Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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