Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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