...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
