She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
